Bermuda Jail Journal #3

Refer to the article below to see WHY I was in prison. 

"I'm detached from life here and in my 3rd week, I find myself worrying more for the people I love back home and less about myself.  Even though everytime I pray, I include myself, but more for the days to go by faster, or my face not to break out more than it is here, or my period to go away (having your period in this hellhole sucks!), and to take my fears away, wash away my sins and to have more faith. 
Isn't that what my LOVING mother always told me? That I am one of God's children?  I pray twice a day here, sometimes more...like with my father for example.  He's supposed to come visit me while there may be a storm, a bad storm, so I pray that he'll be protected.  Truthfully though, even though I'm kinda used to the girls, the routine here, like my chores, outside rec time and a regimented schedule, I want to get out of Bermuda and never come back.  Hey, I'm not allowed back for 7yrs anyway! Thank God, for that!
The food sucks, although I eat because I have too and the one thing I do think of and smile is that I think I'm losing weight here.  My hands cramping up and I want to go back to reading...there are still long hours left in this day. 
And still I have yet to write about some crazy stuff in here, like Bermuda's corrupted law system, "The Bride of Satan/and or Frankenstein" (Harvey), how theres no trust in anyone here.  Not even the guards.  And also I've haven't really wrote about my friendships with Tanya & Raina, maybe my only two friends here.  I got their information and they have mine so MAYBE I'll continue my friendships with them.  Especially Tanya - my fellow New Yorker who took 4yrs in here on some bullshit weed charge, while taking the blame for her friend so she wouldn't lose her kid.  She's 37 yrs old, which I can't believe it cuz she looks my age! She's such a soldier and she's so young spirited.  Her laughter fills the echoing halls and she tries to find the positive in everything.  She's so young at heart and has been here for so long already.  I could never do 4 yrs!!! She doesn't deserve it like some of the others I've mentioned before.  But more on that later, I want to read now. 
All I do know is that PRISON is nothing like rehab.  Everything is an inconvience.  That's because we're prisoners, not guests.  I've learned that all to well...I'll elaborate later! I still want to write about the stuff I have in here, what I don't have like good deodarant for example which THEY provided that is blantantly marked "MAXIMUM SECURITY", just like the shampoo they provided.
Thank God for Cantine - again.  Cantine is every other Thursday, which is almost a shopping list where we can buy label name toiletries, smokes, etc...with the little money we make from our chores, or if family can fill up your Cantine account while you're inside. But it's still not enough.  All inconviences.  I am a prisoner!!!
But God, most of all, PLUS MY MEDS, have helped me ease my mind and body as i've done my time slowly.  Everything, every hour, feels like an eternity. 
I mean I have one week left, not including both weekends (which are the LONGEST days of your life!), and I still feel like I'm never coming home."


Well anyone who can keep up with these jibberish journals and some crazy girl "talking" to herself via journal is really awesome, cuz sometimes when I'm looking back and typing up these entries, I can see that my mind was all over the place, jumping from topic to topic.  So stay tuned for more entries from this dramatic event in my life and hopefully they will all come together at the end and make some sense! Again refer to article below to see why I was in prison.
http://www.royalgazette.com/siftology.royalgazette/Article/article.jsp?sectionId=60&articleId=7d7a82f30030006